Energy-extracting wastewater reuse and waste-mining metal recovery have garnered significant attention for their contributions to advancing the circular economy. In this study, we design an economically viable zinc-based electrochemical neutralization desalination (ZEND) cell that simultaneously enables desalination of hypersaline industrial streams, energy generation, and hydrogen production from hazardous acidic and alkaline wastewaters without external energy input. When practical parasitic losses are considered, the system achieves an effective energy conversion efficiency of ~59%. This study also employs waste zinc metal as the anode, replacing expensive materials such as platinum and eliminating the need for an external hydrogen supply, which is typically required in conventional electrochemical neutralization cells. Experimental results demonstrate a remarkable peak power density of 37.9 mW∙cm−2 and stable operation at a current density of 70 mA∙cm−2 for over 18 h. The system also exhibits rapid desalination kinetics of 0.47 L·g−1·h−1, confirming its capability as a synergistic pretreatment step to reduce osmotic loads. A prospective screening-level cradle-to-grave life cycle assessment yielded a net GWP of approximately −52.0 kg CO2e m−3 of treated seawater for the current single-cycle case. A degradation-aware scenario sensitivity analysis reduced the modeled net credit to −30.1 and −8.5 kg CO2e m−3 under the base and conservative stress tests, respectively, demonstrating sensitivity to zinc use, component lifetime, output retention, and conditional co-product substitution. By integrating multiple functions with recycled materials, the ZEND cell emerges as a promising transitional technology for industrial wastewater reclamation and resource reuse.