The Dynamics of Interpersonal Emotion Regulation: How Sharers Elicit Desired (But Not Necessarily Helpful) Support

People frequently tell others about experiences that distress them, a phenomenon termed social sharing. Paradoxically, although people perceive social sharing as beneficial, it often fails to promote emotional recovery. This may be partially explained by sharers seeking - and thereby eliciting - support that is not helpful in the long term. Here, we examined the role that sharers themselves play in eliciting different forms of support. Participants were randomly assigned to the role of sharer (who was asked to discuss an upsetting situation) or listener (who was instructed to respond naturally). Afterwards, both sharer and listener independently watched the interaction on video in 20-second fragments. For each fragment, sharers rated their experienced emotional intensity and socio-affective and cognitive support needs, while listeners rated their perception of the sharer’s emotional intensity and their own support provision. Emotional intensity was associated with an increase in sharers’ socio-affective support needs and listeners' socio-affective support provision, but a decrease in cognitive support provision. Moreover, the more accurately listeners judged sharers’ emotional intensity, the more they fulfilled sharers’ socio-affective (but not cognitive) support needs. These findings illuminate the role of sharers in shaping interpersonal emotion regulation by clarifying how the way they communicate their needs and feelings influences listeners’ support provision. Together with existing evidence that sharers usually desire socio-affective support (which alleviates momentary distress, but does not facilitate long-term recovery), these findings suggest that sharers elicit the support they desire, explaining why they perceive sharing as beneficial although it does not engender emotional recovery.